Guilty

I've noticed that when I feel down, I feel guilty. Right or wrong, I tend to think, 'I'm one of the strong ones, and people shouldn't have to worry about me when there are other people that need attention.' It always seems that it's the same few families/people that do everything, and I feel like if I, being one of those people, need help, than it's just making more work for the others. Of course, I have no problem helping someone else out, but I'd rather just wait out the bad times instead of having to bother someone else with my problems. I don't think it's fair, but nonetheless, it's the way it is. I think the strong ones need to be easier on theirselves, although, I doubt we will. Maybe we can try.

Grateful

With Thanksgiving upon us, I've been trying to focus more on the things that I am thankful for. I realize that, even though I have things that are tough to deal with sometimes, my problems are trivial compared to things others deal with. In just the last month, I've had friends who have had major financial struggles due to job loss, have had miscarriages, aren't able to have anymore or any children, had a loved one seriously injured, one who's friend is dying of cancer and another who's had a child die. What are my problems compared to those?
I have so much that I'm grateful for. Sometimes it's easy to just focus on the bad. So I want to share some of the things I'm grateful for. I'm grateful that:

-I have a husband who is truly my best friend; who loves me probably better then I deserve. :o)
-I've been able to have my 7 children and they are all, basically, healthy.
-We have a house to live in.
-We have enough food.
-We have vehicles to get where we need to go.
-Todd's job is fairly close to home, so we get to see him more frequently when he's here.
-We have family that love us.
-I have technology that allows me to easily stay connected with family and friends.
-I don't get stressed out easily, which is perfect for a military wife with 7 children. :o)
-We have some really good friends.
-Although Todd is gone, he is currently safe and is doing a lot of good work to help keep our country safe.
-I'm able to talk to or email Todd almost everyday.
-Todd has already finished 40% of his deployment.
-He has a good job that provides for us.
-We've been able to help those that need help.
-I have the luxury of being able to stay home with my children.
-I have modern conveinences that help me take care of my family.
-I have a husband who supports me in whatever I want to do.
-I have a husband who is worthy of the Priesthood which he holds and who is able to exercise that Priesthood to bless our family.
-I have access to the scriptures.
-Joseph Smith followed the Spirit's prompting, and prayed to God.
-That we have a modern Prophet who leads and guides the world.
-That I get to attend the temple.
-My family is sealed for Eternity.

I am very grateful that I have the trials I have because I know that they could be more difficult. I try to remember all that I have, and all that I've been blessed not to have, and I try to just be grateful. That doesn't always make my trials easy, but sometimes it makes them just a little less hard. I love all of you. I hope you, too, will take time to count your blessing, even amongst some of your hardest trials.

Good news!

I'll try to remember everything that went on today and in order so hopefully I won't forget anything. I got to Lillian's appointment, at the Spina Bifida clinic, at 1pm. When they took us in, the nurse checked her first (weight, height, etc.) and asked some questions and such. Then the Physical Therapist and Occupational Therapist came in to see her. They put a mat on the floor so we could have her moving around and such to see how she was doing physically. They checked her sitting, reflexes, that she moved/flexed her toes, lifted her head off the ground when on her stomach, grabbed for things, visually tracked, put pressure on legs when standing, if she could keep her balance/keep herself from falling over when they pushed her a little while in a sitting position. She wouldn't roll over though or rotate on her stomach. She wasn't too happy about most of it. For one of the happiest babies there is, I think she's already figuring out that she doesn't like Dr.s offices. She didn't smile for either of them, and cried a bit; especially when they were trying to push her off balance and on her stomach. But she's right where she's supposed to be physically. She has no delays. Which we already figured, but it's nice to hear. Then I met Dr. Dosa; she's really nice. She's one of the first Dr.s to really just sit down and answer questions and really explain stuff. She asked about family history, pregnancy, etc. She mentioned that, if we were to try and get pregnant again, I'd need to start on 10x the recommended daily allowance of folic acid for at least a month to 3 months before trying to get pregnant and continue up through at least the first month of the pregnancy to help reduce the chance of another baby with Spina Bifida. (Also, and this I'm just getting from the Spina Bifida magazine I was reading before going into the office, Lillian would have to do the same before trying to get pregnant. Anyone who's had a child with Spina Bifida, or someone who has it themselves are supposed to take the 10x the recommend amount. And that includes if the guy has Spina Bifida; the wife should still take the 10x the amount before trying to get pregnant to help lower the risk.) Anyway, back to Lillian. Dr. Dosa said that, again, nothing is connected to the Spinal Column. If she had surgery, it would be cosmetic to remove the fat somewhere down the line. She actually showed me the MRI, since I asked her how the bones were different then they were supposed to be, although, she couldn't get the CT scan for some reason, which would have shown the bones better. But the MRI showed, clearly, how nothing was connected to the spine. The problem is that the bones are a little deformed, so she wanted me to take her to see an Orthopedic surgeon. She said that since nothing is connected to the Spinal Column, we wouldn't have to worry about most of what usually goes along with Spina Bifida. She shouldn't have any problem with muscle control or incontinence. But she did order an ultrasound for her kidneys just to make sure, but she's expecting it to come back completely normal. She also checked Lillian's rectum to make sure that, when touched, it had the correct reflex, which shows she has control. And she was fine. The appointment lasted 2 hrs. So, I'll take her to Rome Hospital tomorrow to have the ultrasound done. The only thing she said that might be an issue, is that people with Spina Bifida are at a greater risk for Scoliosis. So, she called over to the Orthopedic surgeon's office to see if they had an appointment available. So after I left her office, I went to the Orthopedic. office down the road. When I got there, they weighed and measured her again, and then she saw the surgeon. She went over the MRI results and said that she looked good. But she couldn't get the CT either; she only had a report of the CT. But she asked more questions, checked her out, and agrees that she looks great. She also agreed that it didn't look like there would be any need for surgery. Even though the vertebrae isn't fully connected, it's such a small break, that there's really nothing to worry about. I asked her about the Scoliosis thing, and she said, with how she looks now, there's no reason to believe that she would have it down the road; her risk level wouldn't be much higher then average. She's as close to 'normal' as she could get with this. So by the time I finished the appointments, we'd been ther for over 3 hrs. So it was a long day.
But, Lillian will still be monitored by ALL of the Dr.s. So now, I have to call the Neurosurgeon and see when her next appointment is supposed to be, since the other Dr.s are willing to work with me and try to get all of my appointments on the same day to help condense my trips to Syracuse, but that will make for one long day. If I can't get them on the same day, I should at least be able to get the Spina Bifida clinic and Orthopedic appointments on the same day, because I know they see patients on the same days. So that will help a little. So in 6 months, give or take, she'll see the Neurosurgeon again and do another MRI, then she'll go to the Spina Bifida clinic and probably be checked by the Physical therapist and such, and then to the Orthopedic Surgeon where she will probably have an x-ray taken of her hips and such.
So, still more appointments, but I'm just happy to know that she's OK. In the blessings Todd gave her, he said that she'd be OK, but it's still nice to get confirmation.

Big day

Well, today was a big day. Todd and I woke up around 3 a.m. this morning so I could take him to the base. He still had to pick up the pistol he'd been issued and meet the guy who was going to drive him to the airport for his 6 a.m. flight. Yes, you saw that right, they had him on the airplane by 6 a.m.! He flew through Chicago to Cheyenne, Wyoming. From there he had to get a rental car and drive for another 3 hours. He'll be in Wyoming until the 27th. Then he'll drive the rental back to Cheyenne and fly out from there to Afghanistan. (Obviously it won't be a direct flight, but I'm just not sure of all the stops in between.) He'll be in Afghanistan until somewhere around the end of Feb. or beginning of Mar. We won't know for a while when his actual scheduled day to come home will be.

Later, I took Lillian to Syracuse for her MRI. We were supposed to be there by 10 a.m. for an 11 a.m. appointment. That way they'd have time to sedate her, do paperwork, vitals, etc. Well, they were running late so they didn't even get around to sedating her for the MRI until after we'd already been there almost 2 hours. Normally it wouldn't be a big problem except for the fact that she wasn't supposed to eat after 7 a.m, so she was getting pretty hungry. (But really, she still was amazing. They're just lucky they didn't have a really cranky baby on their hands.) They put the mask on her face to sedate her, then had to give her an IV and then had to put a tube down her mouth. About an hour and a half later she woke up and they came and got me so I could feed her. Everything went well except for at the end. They said she 'Bhronco spasmed' (not sure of spelling). Basically her throat started closing up as she was trying to wake up. So they ended up giving her a shot (basically) that someone with allergies would take. So now anytime she needs sedation, I have to inform people that she's had this problem before. Although they said that it wasn't an allergic reaction to the medicine, otherwise it would have happened at the beginning instead of the end. It's just something that happens sometimes. (That's comforting.)

Then on my way home, I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing (I know it was bad, but I was on the phone with a friend; but I had the speaker phone on at least), and I completely missed my exit and continued driving to Utica. Although, I didn't mind that part, it was a nice conversation, but it did put me getting home even later. :o)

But, the kids went swimming a little, some of the house got clean, we had a nice dinner, and I even got to talk to Todd a little. Now, if only my house would cool down . . .

Schedule

We've finally had our schedule finalized.

Tomorrow Lillian has her check up that she needs before getting her MRI. After Todd gets off work, we leave for vacation/family reunion. (He may get off by noon, we'll cross our fingers and see.) We'll be in Iowa from the 1st to the 3rd. Then we take off to Utah. We'll be there the 5th- 9th. We're leaving to head back to New York by noonish on the 9th since Todd has to be back for training. We'll get home on the 12th, he leaves on the 13th for Massachusetts until the 15th. He'll be home on the 16th, maybe 17th, and then leaves for Wyoming. (He'll spend about 2 weeks in training and then leave for Afghanistan from there.) Also on the 17th, I'll take Lillian to Syracuse for her MRI. Then later that month I have to go back to Syracuse for Andrew's x-rays for his back (hopefully he'll be cleared to do gym/recess next year). Then back to Syracuse in September (twice in the same week because neither Dr. will see patients on the same day the other does) for her cardiology appointment and then to see the neurosurgeons.

Todd will be gone for 6 months. So we're planning on him being back around the the beginning of March.

But on the bright side, starting in September, I'll have 5 of the kids in school all day, Sophie at school 1/2 day, and just Lillian at home. So it will give me a little more freedom to make Dr. appointments and such.

Lillian

We've been waiting for Lillian's next appointment. She had seen the Pediatric Surgeon and had a CT scan, but they wanted to refer her to a Neurosurgeon since they think she has Spina Bifida. We finally got a call on Wednesday that before we could have an appointment with the Neurosurgeon they wanted her to have an MRI. So Thursday we went to the clinic to have the MRI done. Well, if any of you know about MRIs, you know that you have to lay still in order for it to work. You also know that it makes a VERY loud noise. So as you can imagine, Lillian didn't even come close to not moving. She was doing regular happy baby moves until it started, and then freaked out screaming once it actually started making noise. (You'd think the Drs would have been able to foresee this since she's only 5 months old.) So now we're waiting for them to call us back on Monday or Tuesday to set up another MRI, this time with her sedated. Most likely they will need to do surgery, which will probably happen after Todd is deployed. But we'll wait to hear from the Dr.s to see exactly what they want to do. Hopefully we'll know soon. I feel bad because it seems like she's the one who's ended up with all of the medical problems. (She also has a heart murmur from a bi-cuspid valve --the same thing I have; but all of the other kids seem fine.)
Todd has given her blessings and feels that she will be ok, but still, it's not a fun position to be in.
She's such a cutie and is so happy and loving. All of her siblings absolutely adore her. We're so grateful that she's part of our family. We ask that your prayers be with her.

Deployment

Well, Todd got notice today that he will be deploying the end of August. There are a couple of things that are different then we previously thought. He will be deploying to Afghanistan instead of Iraq. Even though it's in Afghanistan, it will be a safer deployment than the one we first were expecting since he will be on the staff of the ranking General there. Not many JAGs get that opportunity, so it will also be nice for his career.
The timing completely throws off the schedule we had for going to my family reunion in August, but that's something I'll need to work out now. If I still go, it will be me and 7 children driving all the way to Utah. That would be hard enough without having to take 7 children to the bathroom everytime 1 person needs to go and having to stop everytime I need to feed Lillian. Plus the added money of needing to stop at more hotels now since I can't drive as far. Otherwise, I have to try and find someone who can drive out with me.
Of course, I've also thought about just not going, but all of the kids are excited and planning on seeing their cousins that they haven't seen for awhile. Grrr.